"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a..."

Yes, we all know which word fills in the blank. This has been my attitude lately towards a lot of things. I haven't cared at all whether or not I hung out with friends, went to church, read my Bible, was happy vs sad, angry vs joyful. Frankly, my friends, I just haven't given a darn. I have purposefully not taken communion, purely because my heart hasn't been right I know it! The question: Have I cared? NO! I haven't cared that my heart hasn't been right. I want to feel justified in my anger and lack of obedience. My fear? I fear a continuation of an unrepentant heart, which in no reflects a heart that has been changed by the grace of God.

This fear floored me last night as I tossed and turned in my bed trying to sleep. I eventually got up, turned the light on, and began to read my Bible, desperately seeking a solution to my problem and desiring a true heart change. I really thought about my actions, my words, and thoughts over the past few weeks and evaluated whether someone would be able to see Christ in them. I started evaluating whether or not they reflected Christ and gave God the glory . Needless to say my evaluation came back a big fat FAIL!!!

First step in getting back on track REPENT AND CONFESS! Second step, talk to the person I have something against and reconcile the relationship. This is VERY difficult for me at the moment, but I desire a reconciled heart toward God. I feel being reconciled with fellow believers is a part of having a right relationship with God. I am growing weary having this "I don't care attitude". I must trust in the lord. He is my only hope, and the only hope worth having.