I don’t think there is any pain worse in life than being hurt and trying to erase the history that caused that pain knowing that you can’t erase it; and in fact, not only can you not erase it, but most likely it will be a memory in your mind forever past the point of recovery. Tonight I sat in church attempting to listen to my Pastor teach on the book of Ecclesiastes. I was so distracted by different things that I didn’t hear or pay attention to, what I thought were probably really important key points. I was mostly distracted by all the people in the room. I was looking at each one, and pondering the things I know about them, and thinking that what I know about them and how I relate to them is different than any other person. There is more history than others because I have known them longer, or have been through something significant with them, but for the most part, every relationship is different. When I think about the way others have related to another certain person, I find myself envying them of their lack of history, envying them in the normalcy of the relationship they have with him.
“What in life gives us fleeting pleasure?” “What does the world say we need in order to have pleasure?” The question was asked, answers were given. “Drugs, alcohol, sex, material items, nice cars, nice clothes, a good job…” and the list went on. My answer, which I kept, tucked away in my heart as not to put it out for the world to see was human relationships. There is so much influence on having the perfect someone, the perfect love. Human relationships are temporary, and I know at least from experience in my life, are more often than not set in place of the relationship I have with God, therefore becoming an idol in my heart. We has humans have a desire to be liked by people, respected, well thought of so we seek out those who will fulfill that need in us. The people we try so hard to impress now probably won’t even be in our lives ten or fifteen years down the road. I am not saying that will happen in every situation, but really, how many of you are still worried about relationships you had ten or fifteen years ago?
We look towards these relationships as if they identify who we are and grant us our worth. We gauge ourselves by the people we know and how many friends we have. The Lord is sufficient. If all our human relationships fail in an instant, God is sufficient and still actively working in our lives. People come and go, move on, move away, pass away, but the one CONSTANT relationship we have is with the Lord Jesus who will never leave us or forsake us, even though at times it seems like we are all alone.
The service ended tonight, and I battled in my mind about this certain situation in my life, and how much this relationship has changed. I struggled to find contentment in the circumstance. I know that this relationship has nothing on my relationship with Christ, but somehow has been, outside of my family, the most significant relationship I have ever had in my life. I am struggling to find contentment in not being able to talk to someone who knows me better than anyone else. I struggle to find contentment in not being able to be around this person whenever I want to. I struggle most with grasping how God is going to take the misery I am in without this person being in my life, and use it for GOOD! I know He will because he promises it in His Word, and I trust His Word, but it is hard to see with my finite, human eyes exactly how he is going to do it. My life seems so empty and meaningless without this person. I wake up every morning knowing that my reason for living is found in the Lord, but also feeling like a part of me is missing.
Like all other earthly things, this too will pass. I am seeking the Lord, begging Him for the ability to understand this situation. I think of Job and how he probably did the same thing. I trust God. I know He has plans for my life that are not meant for harm, but when you are in utter despair, you can’t help but come before Him begging and pleading for understanding. Romans 8:28 says that ALL things work together for good. How can suffering through the death of a loved one “work together for good”? How does losing your job “work together for good”? How does losing your best friend, the one person you cared about most in life outside your family…how does THAT work together for good? We may never know or completely understand, but I know that God is completely sovereign, has control over all things, and is actively working in our lives, to work those things out for our GOOD and HIS GLORY. He is the author and finisher of our faith, he is perfecting us and “I am sure of this, that He who created a good work in [us] will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6)